Death Ultimate Freedom

Death, death is both painful, but at the same time beautiful. One thing that has changed since I left the church so many years ago, is my view on death. I used to fear death so much, I didnt want to die. Every birthday became one step closer till the end. In my teens I dreaded 18 I thought it was the end, in my late teens I dreaded 21, and in my 20 I dread 30. Each time "it will be the end" I thought. Perhaps because I have been trapped in the brain washing of my up bringing and the church. It wasnt untill I really began to study Wicca and Paganism that I found freedom. I think that for me it wasnt the loss of the life, but the loss of the ones I loved, combine with the thought "have I done enough?" I found comfort and freedom in this quote........

"Gone was my dread. Now there was....a sense of absolute correctness about it. It did not belong to the dark at all. I belonged to the dark, Death was part of the grace of nature....I had been so scared and wanted so badly to live, but the peace I touched was so incredibly, transcendentally great that I also now loved death a little, or at least I accepted the truth and presence of it in my own life." ~Whitely Strieber

Embracing death and accepting its presence in your life doesn't make the death of a loved one any easier. Living with a former Marine, with PTSD and a soft heart can rip your soul right out. Especially when you are an empath, and you have watched the effects that violent deaths, and peaceful passing can do to even the strongest. The worst is the depression that death can cause when his hero and Grandfather dies. Old age doesn't make it any easier does it? I have found myself this week giving comfort, and talking and talking about death, and what a Great man he was, and OH what A great man, he was! I'm not just saying this because he was family, or because he accepted me into the family and gave me unconditional love when no one else would. He was wise, and taught my Marine how to be a man, and gave him love and kindness. These things can be hard, I know that my Marine is in pain, it doesnt matter if it was the loss of one of his men, or his grandfather. Death hurts, but in this pain and sorrow there is the light at the end of the tunnel. The unknown that lies behind the door of mortality. This is NOT the end. There will be a gap, but I am fully confident that they will be together in a future life, love is the bridge that transcends death, and brings souls together over and over again, but this does ease the pain. Promotion to the "Mighty Dead" also brings comfort. There are no more hugs, and no more visits, but his presence lingers, and being such an important part of his life, I do believe that he will continue to be a part of my Marnies life regardless of his human mortality................

So this brings me to something that I have been thinking for a while. We didn't make it before his death, our flights were not quick enough, and we didn't leave fast enough. Now there will be no funeral, or ceremony. This is sad for us, but we will be walking the Labyrinth in his honor tomorrow night. His last wishes were no funeral, no fuss. We will respect this, but it got me thinking about my own ending in this life. There is NO reason I have to be buried in the family grave yard, cremated or any other traditional way. My last wishes can be just that "MY wishes" and So I begin the journey of laying out how things will go in my final moments.......

The Lady of Shalott has been such an important part of my life from my mid teens till today. It is ever evolving and OH how this poem, touches me. As I drove out of my neighborhood yesterday I watched the leaves falling to the ground in piles of golds and bronze. I giggled and thought, only in Arizona can it be fall in January. Death is everywhere comes at any time, and is not picky who or what it takes. Death manifests in many forms physical, emotional and spiritual. The circle ever turns waiting for no one.......

So as I think of my own mortality, and passing I find that I want to go out with a splash! And so I will. There are logistical issues with how I want to die, and how I want to go out of this world, this time. I will leave that to those that will help me pass...... It makes sense that I should go out with deep meaning to me. It is my death, and my funeral and so I will take a lesson from a very wise man who just passed, and do it the way I want...........

I want a watery death......

On either side the river lie

Long fields of barley and of rye,

That clothe the wold and meet the sky;

And thro' the field the road runs by

"To many-tower'd Camelot;"

My coffin will be a boat.........Maybe it will be a Canal, a River or a Lake, It will be fresh water.........

Down she came and found a boat

Beneath a willow left afloat,

And round about the prow she wrote

The Lady of Shalott

There will be a "Tapestry" images from my life, maybe a photo album or maybe a quilt. I don't know but it will be present in my coffin/boat.....

There she weaves by night and day

A magic web with colours gay.

If it is possible I will go out in a fury of a storm, with low clouds and rain...... At least an overcast sky.........

In the stormy east-wind straining,

The pale-yellow woods were waning,

The broad stream in his banks complaining,

Heavily the low sky raining

And at the closing of the day

She loosed the chain, and down she lay;

The broad stream bore her far away,

The Lady of Shalott.

Lying, robed in snowy white

That loosely flew to left and right--

The leaves upon her falling light--

Thro' the noises of the night

She floated down to Camelot:

And as the boat-head wound along

The willowy hills and fields among,

They heard her singing her last song,

The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,

Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,

Till her blood was frozen slowly,

And her eyes were darken'd wholly,

Turn'd to tower'd Camelot;

For ere she reach'd upon the tide

The first house by the water-side,

Singing in her song she died,

The Lady of Shalott.

I will set sail on the waters at dawn, on a bed of roses, with the words of a love song.............

"Lay me down on a bed of roses "

"Sink me in the river at dawn

"Send me away with the words of a love song"

I will be clothed in white satin with pearls.

"bury me in satin..."

"And I'll be wearing white..."

"So put on your best, boys,"

"and I'll wear my pearls "

What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts,

"oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar "

"They're worth so much more after I'm a gonerAnd maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing"Funny, when you're dead how people start listening..............."

The ballad of a dove

"Go with peace and love "

"Gather up your tears,"

"keep 'em in your pocket

"Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh"

"Well, I've had just enough timeSo put on your best, boysAnd I'll wear my pearls............ "

We are all so lucky to be alive and though death is a part of life, it is not my focus, and so with honor to the Ancestors, I will live my life the best I can away from shadows and away from fear.............

Lyrics from "The Band Perry- If I die young" and "Alfred, Lord Tennyson - The Lady of Shalott, sung by Loreena Mckennitt"

Reference: practicing-wicca.blogspot.com